The Path Goes On and On

All week long I've been looking forward to spending some time outside this weekend. Even though it is still clearly winter, I feel a spark of spring and I'm itching to get some fresh air. This morning, after the hubby left for work, my little shadow of a dog and I hopped in the car and drove to the river. Every year the city grooms a skating and walking trail on the Red River. There are benches along the way and they line it with leftover Christmas trees, it's quite lovely. 

I didn't really have a plan, I just figured we would walk for a while and then turn back. The weather was warm (-5°c), so despite the grey skies it was a lovely day to be out.  A good walk for me has a lot of 'head time', time to think and sort things out. Today's walk didn't disappoint. 

I began to look at our walk as a metaphor for life. We headed out with no clear plan and encountered a slippery slope, a detour sign, a flash of colour, even the restabilization of the river bank seemed allegorical. Walking into the wind was the hardest part, but I knew that I would have the wind at my back the whole way home. I didn't know when we would turn around and then, as we came around another bend in the river, I saw the warming huts in the distance. Finally a destination!

The huts are all different. There is a design competition every year and then the huts are placed in locations closer to the city centre. The first one we came to was unbelievably beautiful. Hand crafted and covered in pine boughs, with curved benches inside, the kind of structure I'd like to create out at our lake property.  The second one we came to was too modern for my taste, but stunning to see - especially on such a grey day. 

Having reached our destination, my little dog and I took a break in the pine hut. I'd walked much further than anticipated (4.5 km) but I felt good and Georgie still had a spring in her step, so we headed for home. And when we arrived we were greeted by the hubs and the his dog and a steaming mug of coffee.

I can't think of a nicer way to spend my morning. 

Just starting out and already a detour.

 

An abandoned skating chair.

My little buddy, Georgie.

The first hut we came upon.

How beautiful, a mini cathedral of pine.

A modernist take.

Up close and personal.

Finally a break.

Looking back at the way we came.

The briefest glimpse of sun.

Doing my best

Having spent years as a complainer, a quibbler, a kvetch-er and a real and true doom and gloomer, it is hard to take the high road while surrounded by people who find fault with even the best of intentions.There are a lot of things I enjoy about my job, including some wonderful people. That being said, some of my coworkers have the habit of complaining about every little thing. It's a pretty nonstop soundtrack to my day and it's hard to listen to.  For a few years now, with varying degrees of success, I have been putting in the work to be a better me. And it is a hard won battle, every damn day.

It doesn't come easy for me, I was raised at an altar of complaints. But I'm putting in the work and making progress and it's getting easier. Of course there are days I find myself caught up in the bitch session, but those days are fewer and further between. The important thing is I am doing my best and staying above the fray.

I have to laugh as I wonder if this is the universe's way of testing me, of making sure I am up to the challenge of being a better me. 

February Evening

Just a few shots from a cold sunset walk. I've had some unexpected alone time this week, so my preference is to take my pups for a walk. We both enjoy the fresh air even if it is a bit 'brisk'  (-15°c)
I love the bare fingers of the trees and I can imagine how soon they will budding with spring.
All things in due time, I'm not quite done with winter yet, the waxing moon whispers promise. 

Underground Downtown

Not too long ago I had the great opportunity and joy to work with dogs. Lots and lots of dogs, sometimes as many as 30 a day and I loved it. Now however, I work downtown, surrounded by lots and lots of people.

After some major changes in my life I found myself looking for a job, preferably one that allowed me evenings and weekends off. When I came across an ad for a cook at a downtown restaurant, my ears pricked up. Downtown would mean Monday to Friday days, my ideal! I went and interviwed and was promptly hired. I was excited about scoring a pretty sweet gig, but a bit apprehensive as well. I had never worked a "downtown" job before, most of my life had been spent in the restaurant business - from greasy spoons to fine dining and everywhere in between. Downtown meant stuffy lawyers and slick suits, whereas I'm a flannel and blue jean kind of gal.

Stranger still, my new place of employment was located underground. Winnipeg has a large complex of under ground malls and concourses, necessitated by our brutally cold and long winters. I had a hard time imagining that I would be happy not seeing the outside for 8 hours a day. I mean my idea of a good time is going for a walk in the woods with my dog and mucking about!

Six months later, I can say that underground downtown has been pretty good to me. It has hidden beauty and charms. There are interesting things to see, if you look around. So I have begun photographing some of the city sights and I'll continue to share them with you.

And now I'm going for a walk with the dogs!

Massive sculpture on the corner of Portage and Main. 

Relief that stretches around the 'Circus'. 

201 Portage, I love the juxtaposition of old and new. 

You could walk past this 100times and not notice. 

The lobby in one of the offices we deliver to. 

Priorities

A busy week at work, followed by a full weekend, has left me with little time to write. Work has been so hectic it leaves me too drained at the end of the day to be able to organize my thoughts. By the time Friday night rolled around I was more than ready to cut loose. Apparently cutting loose involves going to bed at 9:30 so you can wake up early to clean the house in preparation for out of town guests.

Between the cleaning, the errands, the cooking  and the visiting with friends I woke up this morning determined to make some time to write. After a few false starts, I was able to get a first draft down of a piece I've been mulling around in my head for weeks. I get my best work done in the morning, a cup of tea and some peace and quiet make a fine muse.

An afternoon phone conversation with my dad, one of my most ardent supporters, covered important topics like shipping container houses, my writing and the importance of naps. Our chat left me with a little more motivation to buckle down, write more and think less. But first I think I need a nap.

My napping buddy

The Christmas Socks

I've been having difficulty keeping my commitment to writing. Part of the issue is I have a tendency to overthink things and part of my inaction stems from an odd sense of guilt I've cultivated over the years. A guilt that snares me and prevents me from moving forward.

Case in point, a foolhardy promise to knit my friends and family socks one Christmas. A promise that went unfulfilled for 3 years. After a while I found myself not wanting to knit anything, because all I could think about was those damn socks. It became paralysing for me. Sounds silly, doesn't it? But this fall, in an ongoing attempt to check things off my mental list, I buckled down. I resolved myself to do it and, even though 3 pairs arrived late, I completed 6 pairs of socks (which may not sound like much, but I can assure you it is). And the first thing I did was to make something for me! I was liberated from myself!

Since then, I have realised that this is a recurring pattern that encompasses small everyday things. Not returning an email or a phone call, not reading bookmarked articles or keeping up to date on a blog. All these small things build up and hold me down and prevent me from "doing". I become mired in the guilt, bogged down and unable to proceed.

In the midst of this revelation, I can see the pattern starting with the creative group I recently joined. There are a lot of members and a stream of notifications letting me know that so and so and 10 others posted in the group. My brain begins to tighten and I start to question myself.

"When will I find time to read all those posts? And comment appropriately? If I can't read all of them, I don't want to read any of them because that isn't fair to the others." Knowing full well that I am under no obligation (except my own self-imposed one) to read them all. So I don't read any and - "oh shit! there goes my phone again, letting me know that Jon and 13 others have posted in the group! How am I going to write anything and post it, expecting feedback, when I haven't read the others' contributions?"

See how I tie myself up? It's hard, but I know that this pattern has to change and I just have to keep working on it. Keep reminding myself of the Christmas socks and how free I felt to be finished. And with that I take another step forward.

It's simple to see that freedom, for every man and woman, lies in the mind's willingness to alter old habits.  First, though, the mind has to hear itself and change the conversation.  - don Miguel Ruiz

 

My little dog leaping into life! She inspires me to be so free.

My Light in the Darkness, redux.

Nearly three years have slid by since my last blog post but the path I travelled then is the same as the one I am currently pursuing. Along the way I suffered a major derailment, one I have kept mostly quiet about, but the journey continues and I like to believe that I am further along the route.
As 2016 approached, I knew I had to continue. I knew I had to listen to the gentle encouragement and I knew I had to start writing again. It would be easier to ignore the quiet voice inside that tells me to write it all down, get it all out on paper and see where it goes. I've put this off long enough, if I am going to be the truest me there isn't much of a choice. Having made the decision to forge ahead and get these words out of my head and onto (virtual) paper, I asked and was accepted into the Creative Group at Bedlam Farm - a creative community of encouragement - where I hope to not only find encouragement, but vital feedback and inspiration.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned over the past three years is that we are all struggling with fears and insecurities, we are all fighting demons inside of us, we are all looking for comfort and contentment and connection. I try to keep that knowledge in the forefront and let it guide me. But as so often happens when one is evolving into their truer self, I stumble and forget. My hope is that as I persevere I might help light the way for others.