The Brain Train showed up at 3:57 am today, a bit later than usual but unwelcome nonetheless. I did all the usual things; fluff my pillow, close my eyes and concentrate on my breathing but I remained awake. My hubby stirred and reached for my hand and held it. But even his sleepy tenderness couldn't calm me back to sleep.
I longed to get up and stand in the yard. Smell the approaching morning and feel the cool air on my skin. Instead I laid still and listened to the morning wake. A blue jay called to its mate. And then a call back. A crow awoke and cawed his creaky good morning. I stayed quiet.
A half an hour passed and hubby woke for work, no alarm clock for this man. He wakes when he has to, a trait that I envy. He can also fall asleep faster than anyone I have ever known, something I can't imagine. I got up with him and he hugged me and suggested I go cuddle with my dog. I climbed back into bed and woke a comatose Georgie and hugged her like a stuffed toy. A quick kiss and an 'I love you' from the husband and I was left with just over an hour until I needed to be up.
I managed to fall back into a deep slumber and was startled by the alarm clock. The morning routine fell into place but 4am lingered in my mind. I wish I had the freedom to escape my bed and sit with the birds. To watch the moon set and the sun rise without any worries. I'm getting there, at least I hope I am.