Thursday, August 02, 2012

Slowing Down the Brain Train

I realize I have been pretty lax about writing lately, and I am sure many of you were thinking that the newness had worn off of blogging and I had gotten bored with it. Not true. My main problem has been my new smart phone. I've had it just shy of 2 weeks and find it so distracting. What do you mean there's an app for that!? My dear Jimmy was afraid I would become addicted to it and in a way he might be correct - but, in all fairness, I am only addicted to solitaire and picture collage apps!

I have been thinking about what I need to write about, but it is still fairly jumbled up in my head. I was hoping if I gave the concepts enough time that they would sort themselves out, but it seems that isn't going to happen. It's hard to verbalize ideas about sleep and dreams, mostly because my dreams and sleep patterns are a bit convoluted to begin with. As a child, I would fall asleep with a book in my lap and my eyes open - I freaked my parents out more than a few times. Now, as an adult, I have great difficulty falling asleep. In my process to becoming a more mindful person I am realizing how much my thoughts control me, especially at bedtime.

While I lay in bed, listening to Jim sleep, my mind races from thought to thought. I have complete conversations with myself about everything and anything. 'We' talk about things I said during the day and how I could have phrased them better. We'll talk about what I should say in my blog, what excuses I might make for not having written in a week. Then I will have to rehash the wording used in said make-believe excuses. It all gets very complicated and we go round and round for a half hour or more. I just can't seem to get my brain to turn off.

Recently, I have been trying to focus on the visuals inside my head, instead of the words that are bouncing around. It is by no means fool proof but it does help. Every time my brain train begins to race I concentrate on some sort of image - it could be a flower I photographed, or an imaginary vista, or an object from my home. Last night I concentrated on a bit of detail from a quilted wall-hanging I purchased from Maria Wulf. Maria, by the way, is a very talented fiber artist and blogger (you should check her out).

I find this lovely sun quite comforting. It speaks to me of the light I am consciously seeking - my light in the darkness, one might say. I had a very interesting dream the other night about the light, but that will be a story for another day.

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